Barefoot Snake

Why is it that you know when you've screwed up. I mean really screwed up. That's how I
feel right now. Laying here in bed I've decided to keep my eyes shut, my ears open, and
my nose to the wind. O man I don't like what those senses are telling me.

Why O why did I stop at that bar last night? Shoulda just kept on driving. O no, I had
to have a beer. Yeah, that was a good idea. Just wished that one hadn't grown to . . .
I don't know how many!

Well, let's put a little light on the subject.

Slowly, very slowly, I crack open my right eye lids. Just enough to see a blurry vision
but not open so much as to let anyone know I'm awake. I learned how to do it as a kid.

I knew it! I did pick up a broad. Of course I smelled her laying next to me. I just wanted
to get a visual. She could have left and only her scent remained. Not my luck.

Her breathing is slow and rhythmic. Shallow. I open my eyes wide. The long red hair is falling
over her face shielding the closed eyes. It's a wonder her nose isn't itching from the hair
moving in and out near the nostrils as she breaths. Well, at least she ain't a porker. I'm
not rolling into her. She's probably a good looker as well. I am not going to wake her by
moving her hair from her face to find out.

Now, how am I gonna get out of bed and not disturb her? Gotta be like a barefoot snake.

Or a sloth on meth. I best lay here a while. But not to long.

I move my right leg to the edge of the bed. Then the left leg joins the right. Awkward. Move
my right arm to the edge. I use it to move my upper torso to the edge, keeping my eyes on
the girl. So far so good. She hasn't moved.

Now, my body is balanced on the edge of the bed. Just one little push and I'm off the bed.
Should be a simple thing. I slowly roll off the edge.

The damn sheet goes with me! I land on the floor and the sheet drapes all over me. I push up
on my hands and peek over the edge of the bed.

"Going for breakfast I hope." She speaks.

"Uhhh, yeah, that's right."

"I'll have a Big Breakfast from Mickey D's honey. Love you!"

That's when the diamond on her left hand flashed a bolt of lightning into my eye.

"Is that what I think it is? On your left hand there?"

"Yes and we had a great wedding and nuptial. Love you."

MARRIED! Me! Well, at least she has a great body.

Damn beer anyways.