Road Kill

Hi. The name is Harlan B. Jaykubs. Most folks just call me Homer. The "B" actually has a name attached to it. It does more than just take up space between Harlan and Jaykubs. I think, however, my folks were on some very powerful drugs when they laid that name on me. Let's just say it ain't no better than Sue. You can call me Homer.

Southeast Kansas ain't got a lot going for it. Flat. Hot. Humid. Isn't near as glamorous as say, I don't know, Wichita. So this part of Kansas don't add much to the lure of the rest of the state. But by god we work hard. Just hard to find something to be hard at is all.

So, I wasn't expecting a whole lot from this Summer Saturday. Figured I'd go see my buddy, Dennis. He lives just a few miles from my house in town. He's in the sticks. Not that being in town is that much different than living in the sticks. It's just that the general store is closer. My old 53 5window Chevy truck fires right up. She ain't purty but she's reliable. Important out here in the sticks.

As I rolled up to Dennis's house down by the river he was outside by the barn pitching hay into the cow feeder.

"Hey Dennis. Watch ya doin?"

"What's it look like Homer. I'm makin milk here."

"O. Looked more like you's making an excuse to have your Saturday nite bath is all."

"That too Homer. What's up?"

"Guess what I saw coming over here."

Dennis just stares at me. He hates guessing games.

"Come on Dennis. Guess."

Silence. Stare.

"OK. Another run over possum in town. Just like the other dozen or so this year."

Stare.

"Come on Dennis. Ain't that weird?"

"Did ya try to put a beer can between his front legs and put him on his back?"

"You know better than that. That's for armadillos down in Texas. Not possums in Kansas."

"Yeah that's right. And it best be a Lone Star longneck in them paws."

"Don't ya think that's a lot of possums tho?"

"Suppose so." Dennis rubs his chin with his right hand. "How about them deer too?"

"O yeah. Think them critters have some kind of death wish this year?"

"Could be Homer." Dennis rubs his chin a little more. "Say, I'm bout done here. And speaking about critters, wanna fish some Homer?"

"Alright. Need some help?"

"Nah Homer. I'll be done with just a few more pitches of this hay."

Like I said. I didn't expect much from this day.

And don't forget. The name's Homer.